TO BE OR NOT TO BE
Feeling down in the dumps recently. I can’t seem to figure out the root cause of this depression. Is it because I’m realizing how much I’ve wasted my life devoting my time on insensible things? Then again, I get reminded of all the crazy wild experiences I had only to realize that all these things I’ve done are actually worthy of my time. Is it because of my family? Could be. Especially now that I haven’t seen my dad in months. Haven’t touched or hugged him not even a milli-second. Distance has been the safest way to survive what we’re going through. I guess it’s taking a toll on me given that a) I’m a daddy’s girl and b) I’m gradually completing the puzzle pieces in my fucked up family life. FML!!!!!
My emotions are so intense that I couldn’t even manage to finish this post. Allow me to spend the next minutes locking myself up in my room flooded with tears and resentment against myself, my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, my friends, the government and the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD!!!!!!!!!
Oh and to anyone reading this, please pray for me. I am slowly being eaten alive by the idea of suicide. There;s just no hope. Inspire me anyone. I don’t have friends. I don’t have a family. I don’t have anything…. TO BE OR NOT TO BE
No Nonsense
Every day is a struggle. I’ve been struggling to wake up each day. I’ve been struggling to find happiness in my life. I’ve been struggling to see my purpose of living. I’ve been struggling to be good. It’s sad how I literally have to drag myself out of bed just so I could perform my responsibilities as a daughter, student and more importantly as a person. I am lost. I no longer function like how I used to without the help of alcohol. I know. I’m an alcoholic. I hate it. But alcohol seems to be my only escape from reality, from all these bull crap life offers me. I need help.
Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
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He’s Just Not That Into You
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9474) I miss who I was before all of this. and I think my friends do too. sorry guys, I’ll be back when this is resolved
(via poeticheartache, theblogyoulove)
I am getting there. It may be difficult but at least I know someday, one day, I’ll just wake up and be miss sunshine to my friends again. :)
almost lost it until my friends came and saved me :)
I can hold my tears ‘till someone asks me what’s wrong, then I burst out crying.
Eventually one of two things will happen: he’ll realize you’re worth it or you’ll realize that he isn’t.
Idle time but not so idle mind
Just finished my part with our Theo group project. Got nothing to do but to wait til they all submit their parts.
It hit me.
Relapse. Relapse. Relapse. UGH. Taenang ego yan Zel. HAHA. It’s eating me. Not good. Not good.
See. I’m too preoccupied to function. I can’t even write a sensible paragraph even a sensible sentence for that matter.
Fashion inspiration. :) Will save money to buy clothes like these. Well, except the shoes this model is wearing.
